Positive parenting is a subtype of an authoritative parenting style. This is a progressive parenting method. A happy and successful person who is independent and responsible for his actions, who sets tasks for himself and then successfully performs them can be a positive parent.Positive Parenting is dedicated make parenting more rewarding, effective and fun!
The question is: How to Parent Effectively?
Positive parenting is an answer to this question. This method is directed precisely on parenting those qualities, which have been listed above, in the childhood.
Main principles of positive parenting
The method of positive parenting is based on a number of principles which determine children and parents behavior. Mutual respect and collaboration of children and parents are the basis of this method.
Collaboration of parents and child
What does cooperation in the family start with? It certainly starts with mutual understanding and desire to act together. Frequently parents-children communication is reduced to a set of short instructions and orders, given to a child on regular basis. However, even the smallest children have personalities with their own wishes and preferences. That is why orders, constant pressure and aggressive instructions often cause children’s reluctance to do something or even counteraction.
How to encourage children to cooperate?
Just ask your child for help. It will significantly raise his or her self-esteem. In such situations the child feels that parents need him.
Let us consider one example of positive parenting.
Instead of saying “Come on, pick up your toys, quickly!” you can say to your child : “Won’t you help me pick up these toys?” or “Please, pick up the toys and after that we could do something together” or “Let us pick up the toys. Mom (dad) needs your help so much”.
The most important during the conversation is to make your child interested, not to pressure on him. Let him want to help you by himself.
Reject intimidating your child in positive parenting
This principle not to intimidate the child follows from the previous one. The child fulfills your orders because of one simple reason the fear of punishment. This is certainly not the best way of family relationships development. Since at first the child fulfills all the orders because of the fear of punishment, but then the fear becomes blunted and the child doesn’t respond to parents’ words. Therefore, parents have to come up with new “horror stories” or use even more severe punishment. As a result it leads to the inadequate behavior of a child, to moral illnesses and aggression on both sides. That is why, dear parents, you should remember that positive attitude and motivation will help your child hear, understand, and to cooperate with you.
Encouragement rather than punishment in positive parenting
A distinctive feature of positive parenting comparing to other methods of authoritative parenting is the substitution of punishment with encouragement. Do not confuse it with permissiveness. This principle lies in paying your child’s attention to his positive behavior and good actions. In case of bad behavior, this principle suggests explaining to the child what exactly he has done wrong and giving him an opportunity to fix his mistake. At the same time, do not forget to encourage good deeds. The more number of encouraging events happen in your child’s life, the more likely to imitate behavior that results in a positive consequence.
Mutual respect and parents’ place in positive parenting
Parents take care of their children, teach them all the necessary skills and good behavior, provide their children needs. Parents are main and the most important people in child life. However, child does not cooperate with parents sometimes. What is the way to explain to your child that it is necessary to do what parents say?
- Formulate your request properly. Try to speak directly and concretely.
- If the child does not want to do what you ask him, hear out the reason of his refusal and find a solution together.
- If this is not enough, repeat your request persistently. It should sound like this: “I want you to do” Repeat your request in a firm voice, being confident that your child will fulfill it. Do not succumb to the emotions. Stay calm, do not get frustrated and do not raise your voice. Show your child that he is obliged to do the thing that you asked him.
Controlling yourself and your child vs using time-outs in positive parenting
When a child is losing the temper, it has to be stopped. Physical punishment used to be applied in such cases in severe parenting styles. Positive parenting does not accept such treatment. In order to make your child to cooperate you will need to use “time-out”.
What is time-out?
This is a temporary limitation of the child’s space in order to let all the negative emotions go out. He has to get rid of negative emotions and realize that cooperating with parents is good. A parent needs a time-out as well to release the soul from anger and the sense of guilt, and to let positive emotions in instead. Time-outs practice is necessary for all the children from time to time.
The main rules of time-out are:a child should be limited in space (for example in his own room and kept inside behind the closed door). How long to keep the child inside depends on his or her age: every year + 1 minute (that means if your child is 2 years old, you have to keep him inside for 2 minutes, if he is 5 for 5 minutes). Time-outs can be practiced from the age of 2.
Do you want to learn more on children discipline methods that can work for you? Books We Recommend :
Children are from Heaven by John Gray.
Respectful Kids by Dr. Todd Cartmell