Most parents either do not notice Siblings fighting at all or do not think it is important. Situations when this goes too far and develops into extremely noisy scandals are signal to evaluate the problem. Then parents pay attention to this and are trying to reduce the conflict , though the main problem is deeply in the psychology of children and it often happens that when you've resolved one conflict, a new one is brewing again over the time. Let's look into the inner life of the child, as parents` behavior and communication with them influences the child most of all.
Changes in the child` behavior with the appearance of a new family member
With the appearance of a new family member all are in good spirits, even have a feeling of euphoria. Your first child does not leave the newborn even for a minute, he wants to help you and you encourage his desire. It seems to you that everything is wonderful and the elder child is satisfied so you don't need to worry about him. It's very good, he won't grow up selfish - his parents say very often. But with appearance of the newborn parents` attention switches over to the new family member, when for the elder child less time and care are left. You become more irritable and busier as your responsibilities are getting more and more complicated. And this is the moment when your elder child starts understanding that he has to fight for your attention. In this situation you can notice the first changes in his behavior, everything depends on the age of your child. It is not a secret that the elder the child, the moreindependent he isand goes through lack of parents` attention easier. Children of the preschool age feel changes more strongly and you will be noticing changes in the behavior of your elder child more oftenwith time.
The first negative signs in the behavior of your elder child
What changes are the most usual for the elder child with the birth of his brother or sister?
- The child more often takes offense over trifles; any insignificant thing can cause him anger, discomfort and disappoint.
- The child is very sweet when communicating with adults or children elder than he is, but when he is playing with kids, his behavior is very aggressive.
- The child can push, pinch or hit younger brother or sister intentionallybehind parents` back, but when adults pay attention to the children, the eldest shows how much he loves the younger brother (sister). This is a kind of child duplicity.
But what is hidden behind such behavior of children?
Reasons for children aggressive behavior
Indeed, the initial cause of all troubles is lack of parents` attention. If you do notice negative signs described below in your child behavior, the first thing you have to do is to reconsider your behavior. Look closely at your behavior, what has changed between you and your elder child. Naturally, lack of time and a great number of additional problems do their work and take away the precious time of your communication with the elder child.
Think over, probably, your elder son or daughter has acquired too many responsibilities that only overload their consciousness. It is very bad, when parents have cherished their firstborn and tried to protect him from all possible problems. And afterwards they have loaded the child with lots of responsibilities with the birth of the new family member. And this usually happens alongside with lack of their attention. Many people believe, that such educational work strengthens the child's will, but in most cases this causes a completely opposite effect and gives birth to lots of complexes in the character of the child.
Negative future consequences for the child
What complexes can appear in the character of the elder child and how can this influence his future? The child, who is constantly trying to win the attention from parents, turns to reappraisal of his values. Now he has to become more responsible and independent, he has doubts about himself: if he is good or not, what if his mother and father do not love him anymore. According to this, very often self-appraisal of the child is falling and in this case everything depends on the qualities of character.
Some children attack actively and are constantly trying to win love from their parents. The positive effect is the spiritual strength and desire for leadership. The negative effect is that ways of struggle are not always ethical.
Other children become withdrawn and create their own world: they don't strive for victory; they are too much dissatisfied with themselves and a feeling of inferiority, which prevents from achieving their aims in future, becomes really apparent.
Will changes in psychology and behavior of the elder child influence his future life? Of course, again everything depends on the parents, how quick their reaction on the behavior of the child is. Also read how to overcome conflicts between your children and take rivalry of your kids under your control.