Life of a mother who has remained in custody of her children after the divorce on the one hand becomes much easier, on the other hand - much more complicated. Her husband does not live with the family, so quarrels have become a rare occasion. However, the mother can notice that her relationships with her children have become more complicated, especially if before the divorce the kids and their father were very friendly with each other. Conflicts with children happen more and more often. Fights and misunderstanding bothers any mother.
Against the background of divorce, the child's feelings are set on edge; fears and feeling of guilt come to the light. The child is very tense;, his/her views change cardinally. The mother's reaction to divorce depends on circumstances, but very often she feels unsatisfied and depressed, along with experiencing other negative emotions. We will describe some manifestations that the mother can experience after the divorce and how they can influence the relationships between the mother and the child.
The Feeling of Guilt
A mother, who loves her children and wishes the best for them, will experience the feeling of guilt for her children. It does not matter if she initiated the divorce, or not. After the divorce she is guilt-ridden, because she did not manage to create a happy and secure family for her children. This feeling deepens, especially when there was a strong bond between the father and the children.
The child in his/her turn may take the guilt on himself/herself or blame his/her mother for their father's leaving. In such a situation, the mother should remember about the emotional trauma that was caused to the child, and she should consider it while communicating with him/her.
Lowering of Self-esteem
Life after the divorce can lower the self-esteem of the mother. Especially this can become apparent when the divorce was initiated by her husband. In this case, the realization that something is wrong with her can settle deep in her mind. Lowering of self-esteem has a negative effect on all aspects of the woman's life. She may not show it when interacting with her child. However, children can feel changes very acutely and this can deepen their feeling of guilt. As a result, there is a general depressive mood in the family, worsening the performance and quality of life.
That it why do not let your self-esteem go low. Repeat everyday: "My greatest victories await me in the future. I am worth a better life. I am happy! Everything is in my hands!"
It happens so, that the child identifies the life after divorce with his/her growing up. In addition, tries to take his/her father's place. He/she imitates his/her father's behavior and thus can irritate their mother immensely. The mother, who is full of hatred to her ex, notices the style of behavior of her husband in her son or daughter and her irritation keeps on growing. She often says: "Like father, like son", gets angry over trifles and forgets that a father is always an example for a child.The mother has chosen the father of her child herself and there is no point in showing her irritation to the child. Life after divorce is very complicated both for the mother and the child. It takes time for mother and children to re-establish family life after divorce.
Many things can cause aggressive behavior of the mother. Lack of money and time, chronic fatigue against the background of bad behavior and low performance of the child can cause aggression. Life after divorce brings both the mother and the child many difficulties. Usually it takes some time to get used to the new rhythm of live and solve new problems. Both the mother and the child undergo the period of alteration and adaptation simultaneously, that is why both of them have grounds for negative emotions.
How to cope with aggression towards the child? To suppress the feeling of aggression, think about the fact that it is also difficult for your child to adjust to a new life, because the father abandoned him/her.
We hope that this article will help you to manage your feelings and improve relationship with your child. As hard as it is to believe right now your life has just started. Have a happy life after divorce.