How I Became a Single Mother after my Divorce
I became a single mother nine years ago. I'm not normally easily give up, especially when it comes to something as serious and binding as marriage vow. So it was only after many years of marriage, I was able to finally admit that our marriage was over.
After our divorce it was a relief in the first place - which is also my children felt. My daughter, who was 15 at the time, said it was as if a black cloud had lifted from the house. But it is by no means simple or easy to break a marriage, or to separate the children and their father.
I continued to work - I worked three days a week, which meant that I had more time with the kids than if I had been full time. On the other four days, I tried to be as much time with them as possible, talked with them, comforted them, on trips together and make fun together. And of course they see their father as often as he and they would.
My seven year old son was the first to show signs of a need for more support. When he went to bed he shouted, furious, and on one occasion he hit me with fists and asked: Why did you father leave us? Like any mother could see it hurt me to see him keep it that way. I put him into my bed, and let him turn the pillow until he was exhausted, and then I held him until he fell asleep. This phase lasted about a week, so he began to gradually rebuild his life without his father at home and with the support of his teacher (I had been in school the first day, to let them know what was going on).
It took my daughter a long time to show signs of the stress she went with. One evening she came home drunk, and then I discovered that she had absence from school at least once a week. She became more and more serious, but on other occasions she cried and just wanted me by his side. She began to self-harm. It was only too easy to blame myself. I got her in psychological treatment, and after an uncertain start, she began to accept. She came by the psychologist for two years, is it stopping only because she was reading at the University of Roskilde.
After seeing both children through the trauma, bread myself finally together. In addition to support them and take care of the house and go to work, I had to meet with lawyers and look at the other house. When my ex-husband then began to threaten me, I broke down. I went to the doctor and got antidepressants (which I took for four months) and had fourteen days leave from work.
My family and my friends listened to me when I was with my anger, my sorrow and my sadness. And just talking about it helped me. It was easier to forgive and move on when I was finished talking about it. My friends also offered practical help both in house and with the kids. And without them it would have been much harder to get through it.
A year after the separation we moved. It was hard for all of us. We had to move to a smaller house in a cheaper area of ??the city, and we hated it all three - in the first place. But we made it to our new home (my daughter had arranged her room in three days and I decorated my son's room and my own within a week). At our first Christmas in the new house, we bought a Christmas tree, and new games, we made some new traditions as a family of three.
In the beginning I was not sure how I would get through it all. But there is hope. We have continued to create new memories as a family through the joys and challenges of everyday life gives us.
Now here, nine years later, I have a harmonious and happy family where the children are doing their relationships and career - and I'm happier than I've ever been.