Divorce and Children 8 Steps to Make Transition Easier
People have been aware of the fact that divorcehas a great negative impact on kids. However, parents around the globe largely neglect the needs and emotions of their kids when they decide to separate.
In most of the cases this selfish approach poses an unbearable emotional press on the childrenwho feel being neglected. This emotional turmoil was proved to have very long lasting negative effects on child’s personality even when he becomes an adult. Many researches show that kids from divorced families have much more emotional problems than those with full families. These problems include anger management problems, constant troubles at school, negative self-concepts, etc.
Negative Effects on Children
These problems arise from a set of effectswhich divorcehas on kids:
Losing a parent. One of the parents often loses contact with the kids after the divorce, which is hard for a child to cope with. It can also have economic sideeffects,asdivorcecan sometimes reduce the share of the income spent onchildren.
Exposure to conflicts. Very often a divorceand conflicts come side by side. If a child is heavily exposed to these conflicts, they may have hugeeffects on child's long-term well-being.
Life transition. Very often a divorce has other side effects as well. It may force kids to change school,make them to lose their friends, make them to fall under a negative influence of some new bad friends. Such adjustments are extremely stressful for kids.
Lack of parental attention. There is no secret that children’s main influencers are their parents, anda divorcesometimes makes parents put their kids aside for a while. Lack of attention among other effects causes frustration and emotional distress in children.
Thus, these are negativeeffects a divorce has on kids, but it’s important to know how parents can help their children to tackle theseeffects.
Dealing with Negative Effects
In short, parents should try their hardest to help theirchildrenwith adjusting. First and foremost, this means putting your children's needs before your self-interests. Some useful approaches on how parents can reduce the negativeeffectsof the divorce include the following:
1. Talk to your child prior to parting your ways, prepare your speach first to make sure your kid understands what you’re talking about.
2. Avoid arguing with the other parent before a child.Childrenare very emotionally vulnerable, and seeing his/her parents fighting can trigger a severe emotional trauma.
3. Often children will have a lot of questions about the changing situation. Never avoid answering these questions and make sure you prepare some answers in advance.
4. There are a lot of books specially dedicated to helping children cope with theeffects a divorcehas. You may read related literature to your child, just to make sure the books you buy are written for kids of an appropriate age.
5. Make sure your child understands thatdivorceis not his/her fault. Children tend to think that they are the primary cause of their parents’ divorce, thus, explaining the reasons you parted your ways should help your kids to deal with that problem.
6. Reassure your kid that both you and another parent will love him/her, regardless of whether you live together or separately.
7. Never bias your child against another parent. What’s between you two should be kept among parents only. You may end up in a situation when your child has negative attitude towards both parents.
8. Never question your child about visits to another parent if he/she feels he/she doesn’t want to share this information.Again, your kid’s emotional needs should come first. It may be hard for you to cope with your divorce emotionally, but don’t forget it’s many times as hard for her. Therefore, it’s important to learn as much information as you can about this situation.