Communication with a child new methods to control resistance

New methods of communication in positive parenting are based on mutual understanding between a parent and a child. What should a parent do if a child does not open up and acts rebellious? You should try to persuade the child and turn resistance into cooperation.


Some parents use a method of intimidation, in other words they are threatening a child with punishment or something the child does not like. Perhaps this method will work to force a child to do his chores. However, the child will still be very dissatisfied and, what is more, intimidated. The next time your child will have to be threatened again, the task that he must perform will be subconsciously associated with fear and frustration. So it should not even be expected of the child to start and complete the task with joy.

The focus on cooperation between the child and the parent is the main feature of positive upbringing. The cooperation will eliminate conflicts and improve the outcome of tasks performed by the child. To convince the child to work together the following methods of communication should be used:

Recognize the cause for the child’s unwillingness to cooperate

There is always a reason behind child’s frustration. If the child does not want to cooperate, it means something is bothering him. Most often this occurs because the child does not feel that parents understand him. Unwillingness to cooperate with the specific request of the parent can be a manifestation and a consequence of a completely unrelated problematic situation in the child’s life. Therefore, parents should try to understand the reason behind a child’s unwillingness to cooperate.

Listen to the child

Communication with a child new methods to control resistance
Most important is to listen to the child. Let him explain the reasons why he refuses to do what parents tell him to do. Through listening to your child you may understand a lot about his development, trials and hopes. Therefore, always find time to listen to your child. The better you understand your child, the fewer clashes you will have in the future. Try to imagine yourself in his place. Do not ignore feelings and concerns that you heard from the child.

Let your child know that you heard him

It is very important for a child to know that what he said was heard by the parent. So make sure to repeat the cause of his discontentment, for example:

I understand you don’t want to study because you want to watch a movie...

Realizing that he was heard and his dissatisfaction or desire was understood, he let his resistance down. He is not yet ready to follow your request, but he is not so firmly set in his resistance.

Offer your child a possible solution to the problem

Communication with a child new methods to control resistance
It is now your turn to direct his cooperation. You can use reasonable arguments and present a problem as a pair of scales, discussing all the pros and cons. It would be preferred to let the child to think of his own solutions. Your task is to teach the child to make an independent decision. You will not be able to control the actions of the child all the time. You should teach him to be open to your point of view, but also allow him to make his own decision. Ideally, your child should come to the decision of what is more important "homework or movies" by himself. Of course, this method is only acceptable for children over the age of nine.

For younger children it is better to offer encouragement. In other words:

If you go now to do your homework, and do it well, then later we will see a movie, and...

and offer the child something interesting and useful for both of you. In order to know what interests the child, you need to communicate with him as much as possible.

Delaying child's wishes fulfillment

If your child knows the concept of "later" well, you can always persuade him to postpone the fulfillment of a desire, until he completes the main task. You should always keep your promise to the child. Then he will be certain that what he asked for will come true. The child knows that he will get whatever he wanted later, and will be in a rush to complete the task with a maximum effort. We hope this article will help you to discover new methods to control resistance of your children. In addition, communication with your children will become a wonderful experience.