Сhildren and divorce :Parents keep the fact of divorce from the child
Many parents are afraid to confess to their child that they are leaving the family or going to live separately. Parents keep the fact of divorce from the child. This is done with good intentions. Parents don’t want to affect the child’s psychological form. However, is that truly beneficial? What advantages and disadvantages does this behavior of the parents contain?
Сhildren and divorce: The reasons for keeping the fact of divorce from the child
Let’s consider the reasons for why parents would conceal the truth of divorce.
The first and the most important reason is the sense of guilt a parent feels for the child. Parents understand they are solely responsible for the divorce. However, this applies not only to parents, as children also suffer from this. The promises that haven’t come true are a heavy burden on the parents’ shoulders. A child will ask his or her parents: “Why did it happen this way?” However, a parent, during the process of divorce, is living through the personal drama and looks for the answer to this question. He or she is not ready to answer any possible questions the child may have. This leads a parent to believe that the only right way out of this situation is to conceal the divorce. In reality, it’s very difficult to confess your mistakes to yourself and the little person you love. It’s also hard to tell your child that the other parent is guilty if the child is emotionally attached to him or her. In concealing the truth of divorce, parents are afraid of being judged by the child. How will the child react? However, as the practice of child psychology indicates, kids take on the parents’ guilt on to themselves more often, and suffer from that.
Another reason to conceal divorce. Parents think that for their kids divorce is not important. Parents think that the children are too small become involved in such details of the life of adults. However, no matter how small the children are, they are able to understand that something is not right within the family.
Сhildren and divorce: The effects of a concealed divorce
It’s hard to predict what the consequences might be in every particular case. The reaction of a child to the delayed knowledge of divorce may be absolutely various. This depends on the family relationships before and after the divorce, and on the parents’ interaction with the child. How close was the child with the parent who left?
The standard story, which is used to cover up the announcement of the divorce, is that a parent went on a business trip far away. What does a child think when this happens? At first, everything is good. The child misses the parent but hopes that soon their mother or father will come back, and everything will resume like before. Some children begin to live with the idea of an absent parent. They see their peers, who spend joyful time with both of their parents, and begin to feel abnormal. The time eventually comes when they try to get some answers to the question: where mother or father is and when they will come back. Finally, the time comes when the parent considers that now they should tell the truth to the child. When the child understands what has happened, he or she feels depressed and faces an enormous disappointment. He or she is shocked about the divorce plus the feeling that parents have lied to him or her. Now, the child doubts if he or she was lied to, or if the long separation of the parents led to the divorce.
When the child is an adult, this event may lead to unhealthy family relationships. It may lead to the suspicion of their other half, pursuit, and unwillingness to let their spouse to act independently. The lies of the parents and concealment of the divorce from the child in his or her childhood may cause all these behavioral patterns in their adult life.
Сhildren and divorce: When can the temporary concealment of a divorce be positive
If a parent is too overwhelmed with the divorce and can’t have a normal dialog with the child. If the parent isn’t ready to answer any difficult questions that a child may have about their life in the future. If the parent can’t give support to the child at the present moment. In these cases, it’s better to wait a little bit before revealing the truth.Dealing with children and divorce is a painful process for every parent. However, remember, you shouldn’t procrastinate with this information either. You should pull yourself together and talk with the child as soon as possible.
Why Is Parenting So Important?