Let talk about the child - parent relationship when your child spends in school most of his daytime. How do you get your school child to talk about hours when you are not together - funny and sad experiences and those in between?
If you have less school children, you probably know the situation. The working day is over and NOW you in dialogue with your kids.
Probably just as well, for such a view, it is indeed nice to talk directly with her child on its experiences. And actually just school children between 7 and 11 years particularly good interlocutors - if they have time and space.
Your school child would like to share experiences
Right there, the children language and analytical ability, and they want to realize themselves. At the same time they are still interested in sharing their experiences with parents. So if the kids have the courage and confidence, the family can create a nice conversation culture, says Per Schultz Jorgensen, psychologist and former president of the Council for Children with years of experience in advising families with children.
So there are good conditions to get a good talk with your little schoolchild, yet we can parents easily be more than eager to get in touch with the kids and so face up roadblocks to communication.
Here we must learn to harness our concerns and instead wait until the child is ready for conversation. For children rarely feel like a small interrogation as soon as you pick them up from school center - and we might even be ready to tell girlfriend or spouse about our day as soon as we walk in the door.
The best thing you can do to get the conversation is in fact creating oases in everyday life, allowing for conversation.
Let your child invite for interview
It can be dinner or at bedtime. You must be quiet, so you have the opportunity to talk or maybe discuss something. But it should not be an imposed therapy where someone sits in the hot seat. It is artificial, says Per Schultz Jorgensen.
Rather, the situation would be a routine where the family takes one round, so both adults and children can tell you about their day. There should not definitely be something every day, and you should not push your child to tell if it does not want. But your child soon discovers that here a room with the opportunity to make their voices heard.
According to Per Schultz Jorgensen is the most important lesson you can write yourself behind the ear, that it must be the child who invites conversation.
Listen carefully small openings that you can ask about. Maybe it's the beginning of a story, if your child says she got a stone in the shoe today. Or she asks how high you can swing without falling off.
Pay extra attention
Your child begins rare to tell with an introduction that we adults would do, you know what happened today?'
Therefore, it requires extra attention to discover that your child actually wants to tell a story. And maybe need some help matters to proceed: 'Well, what happened?'
Children remember, just like adults, best events that are a little out of the ordinary. A dull day is hard to talk about.
And in general, you cannot expect your child to master the retelling before the 8-years old.
Allow for long breaks
Children are early linguistically articulate, and so do we really know that they can be more than they can. Only some time after school, children begin to imitate adults in their ability to describe events, says Per Schultz Jorgensen.
You can get a lot more conversation going by simply holding long pauses. Children are not so anxious to silence as adults and do not try immediately to fill a gap in the conversation with something.
Let them ponder and then suddenly come back with an idea for a swing or a story that has made an impression today.
'How did it go today?' A difficult question, you will probably discover if you try to make it for yourself. What have you from working, you can share with your child? The answer to the question is quite often short and bland: 'good', 'good', 'ok' or 'mmm'.
Ask specific questions
Instead, ask for specific experiences that demonstrate a genuine interest and involvement in your child's life. It may be the new math tasks surprise in a lunchbox or school's new climbing frame - concrete things that you have prior knowledge of, and therefore can ask more detail later.
It may well be that your child invite for an interview at times when you are not present. There is the queue in the supermarket, parking lot at little brother's nursery or in the middle of television news are situations that just are not suited for confidentiality.
Per Schultz Jorgensen assures that we can all get to listen half after, because we are busy with our own. But that chance is not missed.
Follow up on what the child has said little later. Say for example: 'You told me yesterday. It was something important, and I have thought about it. What was it you said?” psychologists suggest.
Know your visiting hours
When all of these tips are given, then there are a few things to add. You have a school now. And the first lesson in the difficult art of letting go has begun.
If you think that you will soon know about your child's day, think one more time about whether it is yours or the child's needs, you will meet.
Many parents have a huge need to follow too much in their children's lives - all the way up to high school age. One can well understand the needs of parents, but kids need to dare even without parental concern hanging over them if they do not have to be insecure and dependent. Throughout the ages there will be the naturally smaller and smaller, which parents can share with the kids, says Per Schultz Jorgensen.