Blended families, which are created by parents after a divorce, can be a perfect solution for single parents . Indeed, raising children together is much easier than doing it alone. After a divorce, some men and women understand that they cannot live without a feeling of complete and true family. Also, the desire to establish one’s personal happiness is a normal desire of every person. However, after a divorce,children can desperatelyrespond to the message of the new family replacement (a new father or mother, new brothers or sisters). They may even protest and refuse to interact. Next, we’ll discuss some solutions that will help you improve the relationship in your new family.
Blended Families: How to Overcome Difficulties in Children
After a divorce of their parents, children have experienced a number of negative feelings and reactions. For each child, separation from a single parent is stressful. In some families, where children have been suffering from the gone parent morally or physically, getting rid of the guardianship of such parent is a joy and relief. Nevertheless, both children, who either love or do not love their gone parents, can negativelyrespond to the message of a new family.
First of all, the child is afraid of new relationships because of previous sufferings and disappointments. He is strongly against the repetition of what’s happened to him earlier. The reasons for this may be traumas before, during or after the divorce. All of those experiences can encourage the child to protest. How do you cope as a parent with the protest and establish relationships with the future adoptive parent and adoptive brothers/sisters?
1. Avoid the Child’s Ultimatums
A child goes into hysterics declaring, ‘whether I, or he/she’. Do not allow this, as it is fear of losing your love. Convince the child that you love him and will love him, no matter what happens. But the love to your man/woman is different. Explain to your child that he is out of any competition, and he shouldn’t worry at all.
2. Get Used to Living Together Gradually
Start with a meeting on a neutral territory. Practice general deeds that need to be performed by the whole family together. Collective picnics, hikes and exciting journeys will help come to an understanding and learn more about future family members.
3. Establish a Relationship on the Basis of Mutual Respect of Both Children’s and Adults’ Interests
Communicate with children, get interested in their concerns and consider their opinions. Before taking any action in the interests of the family, clearly explain to your children what you are going to do. The child needs to feel a part of the family, as well as the one who is being considered. Show him how important his thoughts and feelings are to you. But explain to your children that they also need to consider the interests of their parents and do something for the good of the family.
4. Do Not Rush into a New Marriage
Do not rush into a new marriage. Blended families, which are created within 2 years after a divorce, have more conflicts and often lead to another divorce. The problem is that both parents and children have not recovered from the stress of the previous divorce. The burden of guilt, anger and aggression comes into everyday life and leads to conflicts.
5. Do Not Demand and Do Not Expect a Child’s Love for the Future Family Members
Do not tell the child that ‘This is our new family, so love it’. A child cannot love strangers immediately. He needs a lot of time to get used to them. However, he may be asked to treat people with respect.
This rule is also the concern for parents, as far as adoptive children cannot be loved at once. It’s a long process of experiences and interactions while living together. Blended families are not an easy task for the family members so good luck! Patience and attentiveness to you, dear parents. Parenting is a truly complex and interesting process.